The Day I Stopped Chasing Motivation

Why Creativity, Not Motivation, Brought Me Back to Life

Archive Note: This reflection was first published on the earlier WordPress version of MonkModern on June 20, 2026. It is republished here as part of the MonkModern memoir archive.

For a long time, I thought I had lost my motivation.

I believed something inside me had broken.

I watched years pass by while trying to figure out how to get back to the person I once was—the version of me who felt unstoppable, energetic, creative, and excited about the future.

But recently, after reflecting deeply on my past experiences, I realized something important.

The problem was never motivation.

The problem was that I was looking for motivation in the wrong place.

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A Time When Life Felt Different

Around six or seven years ago, I was deeply involved in learning and creating.

I was exploring graphic design, digital marketing, websites, content creation, meditation, and personal development.

At that time, I was working on my website, asvphitesh.com.

I did not have a grand plan.

I did not know that years later I would create something called MonkModern.

I was simply following my curiosity.

Like many young people, I was fascinated by the idea of building something extraordinary.

I dreamed about creating companies, platforms, products, and innovations.

I looked at entrepreneurs and visionaries and imagined myself creating something meaningful in the world.

What I remember most about that period is not success.

It is a feeling.

A feeling of energy.

A feeling of momentum.

A feeling that I was becoming someone.

Not because I had achieved anything remarkable.

But because every day I was learning, experimenting, building, and creating.

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Then Life Pressed Pause

An unexpected incident interrupted everything.

The momentum disappeared.

The flow stopped.

My attention shifted from creating to surviving.

I kept telling myself that I would come back.

That I would restart.

That things would eventually return to normal.

But they didn't.

Days became months.

Months became years.

And before I realized it, nearly three years had passed.

During that time, I convinced myself that I needed more motivation.

I watched videos.

Read books.

Consumed content.

Tried to force myself forward.

Yet nothing truly changed.

Now, looking back, I understand why.

Because I wasn't lacking motivation.

I was carrying unresolved weight.

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The Reality I Was Trying to Escape

One of the hardest truths I had to accept is that I was trying to escape reality.

Not physical reality.

Psychological reality.

I was trying to avoid dealing with certain people, certain experiences, certain judgments, and certain fears.

I wanted to bypass them.

Ignore them.

Outrun them.

But there are some things in life that cannot be escaped.

They can only be faced.

And the longer we avoid them, the heavier they become.

I spent years trying to solve problems indirectly.

Trying to find the perfect strategy.

The perfect system.

The perfect mindset.

But the actual solution was much simpler.

Face reality.

Accept it.

Sort it out.

Move through it.

Not around it.

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Why Creativity Changes Everything

Recently, I noticed something strange.

The feeling that I used to have years ago has started returning.

Not completely.

But enough to recognize it.

And after observing myself carefully, I discovered the reason.

Creativity.

When I am building something, I become different.

When I am writing, designing, planning, creating content, developing ideas, or working on MonkModern, something changes inside me.

The constant self-consciousness disappears.

Questions like:

• What do people think about me?

• How do I look?

• Am I successful enough?

• What if I fail?

Become less important.

Not because they are answered.

But because my attention is occupied by something more meaningful.

Creation pulls attention away from the self.

And places it onto the work.

That shift changes everything.

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The Hidden Secret Behind Confidence

Most people believe confidence comes first.

They think:

"I will start creating once I feel confident."

My experience has been the opposite.

Confidence is often the result of creating.

The designer gains confidence through designing.

The writer gains confidence through writing.

The speaker gains confidence through speaking.

The entrepreneur gains confidence through building.

Action creates confidence.

Creation creates momentum.

Momentum creates belief.

Belief creates confidence.

The process works in reverse from what most people assume.

---

Why Motivation Is Overrated

I have reached a conclusion that many people may disagree with.

Motivation is not the foundation.

Motivation is the reward.

People often say:

Motivation → Discipline → Results

But I think reality looks more like this:

Meaning → Discipline → Consistency → Results → Motivation

When you are connected to something meaningful, discipline becomes easier.

When discipline becomes easier, consistency follows.

Consistency produces progress.

Progress creates motivation.

Motivation is not the fuel.

Motivation is the smoke coming from the engine.

The real fuel is meaning.

---

What My Mentors Taught Me

I remember Amit Sir saying something powerful:

"When you are learning something or teaching something, you forget your problems."

At first, it sounded simple.

Now I understand it deeply.

Learning expands awareness beyond personal suffering.

Teaching forces clarity.

Both activities pull attention away from endless self-analysis.

I also remember Deepak Sir talking about creating your own platform.

A website.

A blog.

A YouTube channel.

A personal brand.

When you build your own platform, something interesting happens.

You stop consuming everyone else's reality.

And start constructing your own.

You move from audience to creator.

From spectator to participant.

That shift changes how you experience life.

---

The Real Source of Discipline

People often ask how to become disciplined.

Most answers focus on habits, routines, and productivity systems.

Those things matter.

But they are not the deepest layer.

The deepest layer is identity.

A person who identifies as a creator naturally creates.

A person who identifies as a writer naturally writes.

A person who identifies as a builder naturally builds.

Discipline becomes easier when it aligns with identity.

Because then discipline no longer feels like punishment.

It feels like self-expression.

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The Return of MonkModern

Looking back, I don't think MonkModern appeared suddenly.

I think it was forming long before I recognized it.

Part of me always wanted to build.

Part of me always wanted to understand life more deeply.

One side was fascinated by business, innovation, and creation.

The other side was drawn toward meditation, awareness, psychology, and inner growth.

MonkModern feels like the intersection of those two worlds.

The Monk and the Modern.

The inner and the outer.

The contemplative and the creator.

Perhaps that is why the idea keeps returning.

Not because it is a project.

But because it represents who I have become.

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The Lesson I Learned After Three Years

If there is one lesson I would share from this journey, it is this:

The opposite of procrastination is not productivity.

The opposite of procrastination is meaningful engagement.

When we are connected to meaningful work, we stop obsessing about ourselves.

We stop waiting for perfect motivation.

We stop asking for permission.

We begin creating.

And through creation, we slowly rebuild ourselves.

I spent years trying to become the person I used to be.

Now I realize that was never the goal.

The goal was to become someone new.

Someone who carries both the energy of the creator and the wisdom gained through struggle.

Someone who understands that motivation comes and goes.

But purpose remains.

And when purpose remains, the work continues.

That is where real power begins.

-Hitesh Mandavi